We’re goin’ to Branson
Gonna mess around.
We’re goin’ to Branson,
Look out tchotchke town.
[sing to the tune of Johnny Cash’s Jackson]
Eric & I recently returned from a week in Branson, Missouri. If you know anything about that town & you know anything about us, then you must be thinking…
Branson is everything we are not: over the top, focused on mass-tourism, super conservative, and catering to families with children. So why on earth would this childless couple who usually avoids tourist traps spend our hard-earned vacation days visiting America’s “Bible Belt Vegas?”
One word: baseball
Eric & his brother coach a traveling tournament team, and this year our 12 year old team chose Branson for their World Series location. Branson is a GREAT choice for families, especially rambunctious 12 year old boys. There are roller coasters, zip lines, mini golf courses, water parks, quirky museums — pretty much anything a preteen boy would want to do can be found in Branson. There is also a giant King Kong, a giant meatball & fork, & more hotels & chain restaurants per square mile than any other place we’ve visited. It is SOOOO not our scene.
I love my husband, & my husband & his family love baseball. So Branson it was, & I am happy to report that there ARE ways to enjoy this Missouri town for travelers like Eric & I. Between baseball games, here is what we did in the Branson area:
Table Rock Lake State Park
Table Rock Lake State Park was a 10 minute drive from our condo in Branson, and it was the perfect escape. We parked at the Visitor’s Center & walked most of the Lakeshore Trail (4.4mi roundtrip). The paved trail was flat & wide, with lots of access points to water. You could just walk through the trees and jump into the lake. The best spot was at the beginning of the trail, close to restrooms at the Visitor’s Center — it was a shady spot with benches right next to the lake. About half way along the trail we walked past the Branson Belle Showboat area, which had a great gift shop, restrooms & snack shop. Eric’s mom & I spent some time resting under a shady tree here, & we enjoyed watching little princesses & their pirate daddies disembark one of the special themed cruises.
Table Rock Lake S.P. also offers a 1.2 mile Chinquapin Trail, 11.3 miles of mountain bike trails, & a large marina with boat & paddle boat rentals.
Mini Golf
What does one do after a long day of baseball games when you’re too sweaty & nasty to do anything else? Mini golf, of course. Branson has a LOT of mini golf courses, & we simply chose the ones that looked like the most fun: Professor Hacker’s Dinosaur Canyon & Pirate’s Cove. Pirate’s Cove had a creative surprise on Hole 18 of the Captain’s Course that made it well worth the $10 fee.
For a full list of mini golf courses in Branson, click HERE.
Dogwood Canyon Nature Park
Dogwood Canyon was the highlight of this trip for me. It’s a 40min drive from Branson, depending on what route you take and the traffic. The drive follows Table Rock Lake so you can make short stops in little lake towns along the way if you have time. This nature park began in 1990 when Bass Pro Shop founder, Johnny Morris, purchased the property. Now owned and managed by a foundation, Dogwood Canyon is a great place to visit for tourists who want to be in nature AND have comfortable facilities. The restaurant offers very good food and there are bathrooms along the walk. I LOVED exploring the treehouse, built by Treehouse Masters who you may know from the TV series on Animal Planet. Like everything else in the Branson area, the fun will cost you: prices range from $18-20 per adult and $13-15 per child in the summer. Add more if you want to rent a bike, ride a horse, or fish. I do NOT recommend the Segway or Tram tours unless you physically need that form of transport — those people looked bored out of their minds!
HOT TIP!! Purchase your tickets online and go straight to the Gift Shop when you arrive — they’ll give you a bracelet and you can bypass the long lines at the ticket office.
Hope Wilderness Chapel
Hope Wilderness Chapel
Turtle Bridge
Trout
Eagle Bridge
Owl Bridge
Treehouse Masters
Treehouse Masters
College of the Ozarks
Otherwise known as Hard Work U, College of the Ozarks is a tuition-free Christian liberal arts college across the river from Branson. We didn’t have time to tour the campus, but we did enjoy a fabulous dinner one evening at the Keeter Center. The menu had a great variety of local sourced foods, most of which was produced by the students. Our waitress was professional and friendly, going the extra mile to procure our choice of ice cream from the ice cream parlor which had already closed for the evening. I would eat here again in a heart beat, but I do have conflicting feelings about the school itself. I love their focus on work ethic and patriotism, but I couldn’t help but feel a sense of intolerance and repression, especially regarding their views on sexuality. I do not judge the college’s viewpoints, as they are consistent with their religious teachings, but I personally would never feel comfortable as their student or employee. And even if I agreed with all of their views (which I don’t), one of the things I value most about a college education is diversity of thought. A true liberal arts education is one in which all views are explored, allowing the student to form independent thought. But enough of my soapbox…do NOT miss the opportunity to tour and eat at the CofO — it’s a good experience as long as you’re willing to repress your sexuality for awhile.
World’s Largest Toy Museum
First of all, I would NEVER visit this museum with my brother Matthew or anyone else who you consider a “collector” — because they would never leave! This place is overwhelming in the amount of toys they have packed in, and even with multiple visits you will still not see every item. We LOVED it, and it’s a great choice for a multi-generational trip. I saw the Betsy Wetsy doll that my mom always talked about, and I met my dad’s childhood friends Lone Ranger and Tonto. We heard stories from Eric’s mom that we had never heard, about her childhood and Eric’s grandparents. I especially appreciated the inclusion of books in this museum. 🙂
HOT TIP! Use GroupOn to get half-price tickets!
