AFRAID

I have long been frustrated by fruit.  At least 50% of the fruit I purchase ends up in the trash.  Sometimes I forget about it, but most often I am misled to believe that what looks like heaven on the outside turns out to be bitter or rotten on the inside. [I’m sure there’s a metaphor for exterior beauty somewhere in here.]

But seriously, what’s the secret to getting good fruit?  I’ve been told to feel it, smell it, look at the coloring — but short of fondling produce & training to be a fruit whisperer, I just don’t get it.

Even at the most sacred of food meccas, the farmer’s market, I have been betrayed.  “See those lovely strawberries? They’re worth top dollar because they’re from the strawberry capital!”  WRONG!  They’re bitter as hell.

“Oooh, succulent satsumas from my auntie’s yard, they’re always sweet” … Mmmhmm … except for the ones you gave me, which were mouth-puckering tart.  Guess I’ll add some alcohol.

Why can’t all varieties of the same fruit taste the same?  Can’t we clone fruit?  [Oh wait, we already do that…and they’re STILL unpredictable!]

And don’t get me started on all the rules for storing fruit!  So maybe I DID get lucky with those sweet blueberries…what now?  Must I gorge myself on a pint of BBs before they mold in my fridge?

The most frustrating fruit of all happens to be my favorite — the avocado.  My palms get sweaty & my heart races when I’m forced to select these healthy fat snacks.  Most often, I make Eric pick them out because he has a better track record.  But this just further demoralizes me because I’m left thinking, what is wrong with me?  Did I somehow miss the domestic cooking gene entirely?

Guess I’ll just stick with bananas — they’ve never let me down.